12 million dollars that's what the catholic church is paying out in the united states to settle lawsuits brought by 43 people who say they were abused .The "allegations" made against 14 priests date back to 1960, now these figures just get bigger and bigger I think the catholic church has a lot to answer for .

MAKYBE Diva created Melbourne Cup history today by winning Australia's greatest race for the third consecutive time. On A Jeune was second and Xcellent third.well she Did it and the punter who placed a million will be sighing relief 140,000 people saw the race at flemington and it was good weather 31 degree's boy i miss the heat of melb

HALLOWEENS COMMING AND THE GOOSE IS GETTING FAT,could you please put a penny in the old mans hat if you have nt got a penny a hafpenny will do if you have nt got a hafpenny god bless you and your old man to.Thats the song we used to sing in northern ireland and we d get money over here it trick or treat and what a lot of candy you get liam with with his friend taylor and saoirse and ali a friend went with me. they all done well and saoirse seemed to like it except getting her pic taken i even managed to get a kit kat my fav choc bar.then the wind came and boy was that cold winters getting here i got a call from mum and it 31 over there while here its going to be snowing by fri .so happy halloween

Killer Stone meets Tutu
Nobel peace prize winner in secret Ulster visit.It seems that milltown murderer is trying to atone for his deeds he has met with a family of one of his victims on the ards peninsular last monday .Its all to do with a bbc program about perpetrators of violence and there victims familys the people he met were nt from the milltown cementary also at the meeting was a ira man seems that stone is making many public apperances a artist and he recently drew critisim about the london bomb by saying that he understood why they did it .but why critize him after all what he said is right he can see why they did it maybe more should be adressing that and working out how to stop it instead of invading countrys. after irans commets over this last week will they be the next axis of evil ?

ANOTHER story from northern ireland
the special branch of the ruc allowed members of mount vernon licence to kill and kill a ex ruc detective johnston brown who has wrote a book made revelations. the det was the man who put mad dog johny adair behind bars said
Johnston Brown, the cop who famously put Johnny Adair behind bars, claims:
• Special Branch "mollycoddled" serial killers
• One Branch agent in particular became a "walking nightmare",
• A serial killer who became a "protected species".
• An ex-IRA man joined Mount Vernon UVF.
• The Catholic UVF man was betrayed by a Special Branch man after giving police information that stopped a sectarian murder.
• Special Branch vetoed raids on Mount Vernon UVF arms dumps and scuppered one massive search by tipping off their informers.
• Mount Vernon UVF was riddled with informers, and one in five of all UVF men are security force agents.
The Mount Vernon UVF unit was behind a series of vicious murders in the 1990s, including the deaths of Catholic builders Gary Convie and Eamon Fox in 1994; alleged informer Thomas Sheppard in 1996; Rev David Templeton in 1997; ex-RAF airman Raymond McCord in 1997; Billy Harbison in 1997; UDA man Tommy English in 2000 and loyalist David Greer in 2000.
Mr Brown says CID detectives were fighting the unit with "our hands tied behind our back" because of Special Branch obstruction.
now no wonder catholics were suspicous of the ruc

LVF units ordered to stand down
now thats great news from home especially when most of them are living in my old housing estate where my sister still lives. so hopefully this means that there drug pushing is also gone next step the u.v.f and u.d.a as there is no need for them either so is this the dawning of a new age in northern ireland only time will tell

THE RACE THAT STOPS A NATION
the melbourne cup is on tuesday its a great sporting event and it gets melbourne a day off .The race favorite Makybe diva who is trying for a hat trick is the peoples favorite and one punter is staking a million dollers on it (more money than sence)bookmakers are expecting 150 million on the race, now what could that money do for a few causes mainly me only joking i saw the race once from outside the fence i was on way home from visiting my great neice in the royal childrens hospital so we stopped and watched it by the river .

saturday its was a good day of sorts liverpool won of course .taylor and liam went to there dads today so it was quite saoirse and i went to the mall and met her grandma then went and picked up some boots at her house what a exciting life i lead well saoirse is walking more and more thats always a good thing we saw birds on way home she did nt go to bed till 9 tonight as her mum got home at 7 45 so she got second wind .moods all over the place i dont excatly know why i think im just sick and tired of waiting.i heard a good saying tonight and it was nixon who said it i think it was something like this "dont hate the people who hate you otherwise they win" .Its funny about tamiflu i said that people were stockpiling it but who is are they middle aged or between 20 and 50 years old if that the case they are selfish i was reading about the pandemic and they say the it will be the old and the young who will be its main victims so us who are not to old or to young should make sure the the people who need it get it would you give up your dose i would now i know i could survive without it and if i did nt well not much i could do about it .

LIVERPOOL 2 -WESTHAM 0
GLENTORAN 0 CLIFTONVILLE 0
Well one good result out of two cant complain at least man u got beat well and trully made for a good day

Its been a funny day still waiting for news I sent a email to the sergeant who investigated my compliant against the police to see if his inspector was back no reply.
I had to get a blood test tonight to see if I can get my tablets IM supposed to get one every month never do the tablets can cause liver damage or something like that but getting the neddle brought back memory's I used to blast the speed and I think the longest I went was a seven day binge
and that was good in ways but it was also stupid back then i never knew it was my way of trying to finish my life at least if i did that no one would feel guilt they would just say he was a junkie .I rem one the last day i was at work i drove a forklift but it made no differance i still drove as if i was stright if you saw me when i was stoned you would nt know i was the kind that acted normal and belive me there are plenty out there.Anyway a truckie came in and had the same voice as me i talked and he said how long i said seven days he said 2 weeks. dont know how he did it my brain was scrambled sometimes i could nt even speak id lie in bed at night not sleeping wishing i was asleep and the panic attacks they were like if i was going to have a heart attack sometimes id smile and say to my self if i dont wake up in the morning well then i would nt notice mind you the sleep i had maybe 15 mins if i was lucky.THEN A QUICK BLAST AND BACK TO IT AGAIN not a good way to live but sometimes i miss the neddle is nt that strange but thats the problem with a addiction you never recover you stop and its a daily battle every day is a victory to me and its easier for me as i know why i did it in the first place .

THE LARGEST CATHOLIC DIOCESE IN NORTHERN IRELAND Down and Connor has relesed its figures that state the 15 priests have been accused of sexually abuse in the last 50 years five priests are dead three have been convicted and payments totalling 102'000 were made to 10 people because of 2 priests. so far in the last 3 days there has been , 15 from down and connor,26 from derry but only one successful prosecution.and 21 from wexford over the last 40 years so in total thats 62 priest have been accused .i dont know how are guilty or innocent but the figure's are disturbing.
and another story from northern ireland a belfast man has been jailed for 15 years for now read this attempted rape and indecnt assult of a 15 year old girl he used threats and his forceful personility to abuse the girl he belonged to the crimson star flute band in the east of the city justice northern ireland style well done.
meanwhile in canada a former caretaker of a edmonton church was jailed for tying two girls naked to a bed and sexually abusing them. he also had a psychiatric report which says hes reluctant to acept blame and maintains he was "manipulated by the victims, van den boogaard is a father of 4 and grandfather of 4 was convicted of two counts of sexual interferance and two counts of sex assult his prison term 6 months and two years probation ,justice canidian style,
one other case currently going is about a man who abused his victim on many occiasions but the disturbing thing about this the mother knew after the first time she caught him he swore he would nt do it again after the second time he swore he would nt do it again after the third time he threatened suicide after 3 days she finally went to police only after her mother made her .he had been released in 2003 for other sexual offences and the police had issued a public warning labelling him a high risk sex offender ill leave that one to you to think about .

LIVERPOOL V WEST HAM THIS IS A MUST WIN GAME FOR LIVERPOOL

Glentoran v Cliftonville well the glens should win this one but you never know these days.

FRANKENSTEER? there a documentry that aired last nite and it was about the meat we eat from cows it said that we have taken this natural vegetarian and first turned it into a cannibal and when that did nt work into a vampire,some of the revelition were
the vast quantity of antibiotics fed to cattle come with negative effects to humans such as becoming resistant to antibiotics for human infections.
healt canada has ok'd the use of cancer-causing growth hormones that have long been banned in europe and refused to make public the reasons for its decision.
because of mad cow concerns, they no longer force cows to eat the remains of other cows but still feed them cow blood and other animal remains which is unnatural diet for a cow
certain parts of the cow are now considered bio-hazardous products and food safty agencies warn us to treat ground beef as a toxic product for fear of e coli bacteria.
how to avoid this eat certified organic beef it costs more but how much do you value your health . i dont know if these same principles apply to other countrys but if i lived there id be checking out how the cows are treated.

AUSSIE'S DELIVER KNOCK OUT BLOW IN SERIES WIN

THE AUSSIE CAPTAIN KNOCKED THREE IRISH PLAYERS OUT and was sent of in the second test which australia won 63-42 the irish manager complained . why are we supposed to be fighters i wonder what jim stynes thought of the game he crossed over from ireland in the 80's and became one of melbs greatest players.

NOVEMBER'S COMMING two things its saoirse's first birthday and it my 4 th month in canada only two more according to my visa .we are supposed to put the application for me to try and move here im just hoping that all the stuff i need arrives in time otherwise im in a quandry do i leave and come back when everythings here or do i stay and hope i dont get kicked out if i get kicked out it will be hard for me to get back . I' ll tell you this ive been through a lot of bad stuff in my life but nothing will compare to having to leave saoirse liam and taylor . liam and taylor are used to me going so they will get upset but they know ill be back but saoirse im with her everyday all day i put her to bed i just lie there and watch her fall asleep and enjoy every moment.so how can i go back to australia when im there i have panic attacks i suffer them here but i make myself go out and do things but back in australia i just hide i stay in my room and ask my family to do my shopping or anything .i dont know why its so bad there i just think that everyone knows that im fucked in the head (depressed) i know its not the case but melbs always been like that to me everytime i used to hitch as soon as i left the city of melbourne im like a different person im alone maybe thats it ive been alone for so long even when im near my family in aus im still alone i never let anyone inside i feel that its my defence keep people at a distance when i travel if people get to close i move on its so easy that way . i told a friend a lot about myself and now i cant be near him i feel that all he feels is pity i dont want pity all i want is understaning.but thats my cross i have to carry just need to share it . Every day it gets closer to time to make a choice and i dont want to make the wrong one.

i wrote in an earlier post about the negitive effect i think holywood has on morals.
I was just watching suvivor and after it came a promo for desperate housewifes they(i hate that show by the way)were all dolled up and makeup and eating red apples trying to look sexy i think they were saying yummy then it showed a tree with a snake and the words tempting is nt it .What does that say they dont even hide it im not a prude or anything like that but come on do people actually fall for that crap.

is nt the police in northern ireland ever going to get a fair go not by the looks of things.
Policewoman hurt in brick attack
A policewoman has sustained a suspected fractured skull after being hit with a brick as she attended a car accident in north Belfast.
The officer and two colleagues had stopped on the Ligoniel Road, at about 2045 BST on Wednesday, after a pedestrian was knocked down.
It is thought the brick was thrown from behind a wall near Ligoniel Youth Club.
The police said the attack was disgraceful. It is not thought the pedestrian was seriously injured.
Inspector Gavin Kirkpatrick of the PSNI condemned the attack.
He said: "It is disgraceful that police officers should be attacked while carrying out their duty and providing assistance to members of the public."
The police want anyone with information about the incident to contact them.

THE AUSSIE'S TAKE ON THE IRISH FOR SECOND TEST
tonight melb time australia have a chance to even the score for getting beat 2-0 in the last series. the irish have been complianing about the aussies being to rough but hey that aussie rules you take the bumps.

A story from canada is about a man who got 8 years for killing his son he punched the 3 week old baby because he would nt drink his bottle he got another 2 years for having sex with an 11 year old girl in 1998 maybe im getting more stupid but 10 years for these crimes are judges in tune with the world or is it because some are as bad as the people they sentence . one time i was hitching i was 18 and got a lift in a mercedes the man started the usual spile you know have you had sex and all that crap its how they always start after a couple years hitching i started to know who was going to try something so i saw a badge that said judge parking so i asked him are you a judge because of your sticker and he replied no its a friends car he never asked another question all the way i was glad to get out .but these men are supposed to be our protectors yet case after case they release men and women with slaps on the wrists . women seem to get of lighter its like they cant be the same as boys want it but they just abuse there power and as the media has shown there are more and more women doing it these days teachers especially they choose students as they can be in control. now how many of these women actually go to prision not many times and attitudes need to change .

THEY ARE COMMING FOWARD NOW

Abuse claims 'against 26 priests'
Dr Hegarty expressed his "unreserved apologies"Allegations of child sex abuse have been made against 26 priests serving in the Derry diocese over the past 50 years, the diocesan bishop has said.
first in the free state now in derry make you wonder .Is nt it time that something is done with in the catholic church it is wide spread would it happen if they were allowed to marry after all would that change how the approch god i dont think so but this way its not only a couple but well the figure's probably wont be known for a while. earlier in the week a priest came foward in canada and admitted he was gay. apparently if you have been celiberate for 3 years you can join the church .But surly he's not gay as if he's a catholic priest are nt they supposed to be non sexual so they are neither herto or gay .i know it happens in other faiths its men taking advantage of there power as i said earlier there is a battle and the demons are taking our youths innocence and ruining many lifes because once you've been abused you are never the same some get over it some dont but its always there inside you .

THE TAOISEACH(PRIME MINISTER) OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND has called for clerical abuse investigation to cover every diocese in the republic. after a state inquiry had reveled that 20 priests had sexually abused young girls and boys over the last 40 years.The irish goverment promised to introduce new legislation to increase child protection controls in the wake of the dossier which was hailed as a watershed by abuse victims.Now it is great to see the irish goverment finally act against these men lets hope that it goes futher and indicte's the bishops who helped cover up years of abuse anyone who did nothing when they knew deserves the same fate as the abusers as they abused the children again by not acting in the childs interst.I once was told that satan gives power to people and is having a battle against gods angels by corrupting them and it makes sence in a way because if you think about it there has been a increase in abuse over many years its being going on for centurys and even though we know it goes on it does nt stop it gets bigger . many people think its ok for young girls in the 12 to 15 age group to wear small tops and short skirts after all they are just following the trends but who sets these trends some singers like britney spears and christine agulliera ,kylie minouge, and many others say we are just expressing ourselfs but they have such a influence over the young.They wear sexy stuff that has nothing to do with music kylies shorts for instance do they promote a song not they say im sexy and by showing my ass off ill sell more records and make more money all the rest are as guilty .singers like michelle branch have a hard time cause sex sells its time we let children be children girls under 10 have no reason to wear belly top but there favorite singers do it . I know a lot of people will say but we have the right to do what we want you do but at what cost your soul,as i said gods angels are the children and by corrupting the children we are dooming our future what kind of world are we making .a couple of days ago a young woman 18 years old was shot in edmonton after a argument involving someone in a car . the man who did it handed himself in yesterday he was 21 for something that took two seconds pulling the trigger he has ruined many life's including his own.His mother said today he's not a bad boy ? but he pulled a trigger and ended a life its the culture we are seeing more and more these days holywood has a lot to answer for kids watch movies and see someone just kill someone cause they annoyed him or disrespected them and then they walk away saying "take that bitch" now come on we all know its a movie but it seems to be turning into real life if someone disrespects you what should you do .God said turn the other cheek but holywood says kill and it looks like we are listening to the movies more these days .just watch a weeks worth of television and see how many morals are taught . remember there used to be many movies made about jesus and other bibical storys mel gibson made one recently and it stirred some people but its forgotten now .the children are the angels and how we treat them will show them how to treat there kids and at this moment id say we are losing the battle would nt you agree.

Mr Hain said sometimes undesirable things had to be done in the interests of conflict resolution These are the words that would send shivers up the spines of relitive's of victims who have yet to get justice Mr hain has said dozens of on the run terrorists could escape punishment and return to northern ireland again more appeasement surly the men who have killed and maimed should serve time in jail is that the price that the british goverment is willing to pay the same goverment that says global terrorism must be stamped out but northern irish people are nt the same as English .Would blair excuse the men who bombed london underground and there support crew if it meant peace hell no he would be hanged for that so why do people who terrorised northern irish people get a free ride oh thats right they have had to live rough for years probably in the states or australia but they would nt have suffered like the people who there violence has shattered so all means give northern ireland a chance mr blair but is it worth the price you seem to be paying "your soul"

Went to the sea life caverns today its funny saoirse is scared of peguins but went up to the glass of the snake and loved them go figure it was a bit colder today so no park.As we were comming back from the mall saoirse somehow managed to get out of her safty harness and climbed up her pram but did she do it while we were walking on the path no she choose to do it in the middle of the road as we were crossing. So here i was trying to hold onto her and push the pram across the road next thing the blankek hits the road in sure people in the cars were laughing i would have been if it was nt so serious as we walked past the park she had a fit she wanted to go but of course being cold we bypassed going was she happy hell no. Shes walking a lot more tonight she kept getting up and going so soon thats all she will be doing she's growing up its a shame soon she will be making her own decisions and mine will be lame.

S/F and there police force?
why are s/f allowed to have restorative justice schemes which they are running as an alternative police force? There is a police force in northern Ireland that even changed its name because s/f says was offencive to nationalists yet the nationalists still wont use the police service so s/f are using old i.r.a members to be there police force how can this be allowed there should only be one police force in northern ireland it seems that to give up there arms they got more and more now this is not equality its lopsided in my opinon

THE FOUNDER OF THE CRIPS
stanley "tookie" williams had his death warrant signed yesterday, he is scheduled to die on dec 13th . his laywer was trying to get a delay so he could ask arnie the govenator for clemacy. Williams has changed his life in jail and should be kept there for life after all he is accused of killing 4 people one he denies but he has tried to stop violence in the gangs and for that he should be spared death now if arnie was a decent man he'd show clemancy .

Been thinking about childhood again i rem the first tattoo i got it was indian ink and it says liverpool i got it when i was 12 during the summer just before i went back to second form i also got a burn that summer my sister was going out with a brit (bastards to the rest of us lol)i never got on with them as i thought they were wankers anyway i came home one day and they were in the house playing a game it involved putting a fiver over your arm and trying to burn a hole in it . i kept it on for 5 mins just to outlast the brits and i did it did nt hurt after a couple of mins .at least i beat them that summer i spent many nights and days up the woods getting drunk i also went looking for mushrooms i rem eating a couple then panicked that i might have picked the wrong ones and was gonna die maybe i was stoned .my mum used to say that id be a druggie she told this when i was 9 cause i used to sniff the lighter fluid from my dads zippo, she was right after all . i used to go to the offeys at the age of 14 to buy my drink which is even worse now as the people who worked there knew me and my family so whats does that say about northern irish culture .

Its was another beutifull day in edmonton 18 today mind you it was cold in the morning we went and got a new teapot the other one the bottom fell out after a final cup at least it never fell while i was pouring .we saw the flamigo's and nemo and the petshop then london drugs thats were saoirse cracks up cause she knows that next stop is home i made her welsh rabbit or cheese on toast the canidianns are weird they like there neighbours call it a grilled cheese sandwich yet they use the frying pan and they have to cheek to make irish jokes.After that she had 2 hours sleep then we went to the park and stayed for a while and boy does she crack it when we leave but we came home and waited outside for her brother and sister and then taylor came home first and sat outside with us untill liam came he went out and i never saw him till 5 which was good as not much longer till they will be stuck inside.

Crystal Palace 2-1 Liverpool
when your down your down so thats another defeat at least they played well in the long run its a good thing cant be in to many comps as it depletes you so as long as we keep winning in the european cup im happy as for premier leauge well we have to improve and we will its just readjusting to players comming back and getting used to each other .on a brighter note the glens beat bangor ah memorys only kidding.the result was 4 nil at least someone i support are winners

The Ferns Inquiry Report catalogues the horror of how priests abused children in the diocese and how the Church, gardai and local health board failed in their duties, Taoiseach Bertie Ahern told the Dail today
now this is about time the people who left the children in danger needs to be prosucated also as there crime is worse as they stood by.

TAMIFLU WITHDRAWN IN CANADA
roche the company that makes tamiflu is stopping sales after a increase in people buying. are people stockpiling already .tiawan has forgone the patents route and started making generic copies that are 95 % the same as tamiflu now why if this is going to be a pandemic as stated doesnt roche forgo it s patent for the health of millions its about money the u.n should have a law that requires companys in these case s share. they are having trouble making enough its so frustrating that a company has this power . its like cancer people are asked to raise money every year for research so what happens if some company devolops a cure do they give it free to everyone who needs it i might be a cynic but i doubt it yet people for the last twenty years have poured millions into research by having fun runs and other fundraisers .i read a report that china spread this birdflu by giving there birds the wrong viral vaccine so again man has caused another protential diaster. hopefully god will make it not happen cause we cant trust goverments to.

P.C GONE MAD AGAIN
It seems some clever person has told victoria police that they should treat domestic violence aginst muslim women different, they are supposed to see a muslim leader so they can keep families together so whats that about a muslim can beat his wife and the police have to get a leader in case they upset him ,another couple of things they are given in the handbook include
aboriginal's are not to be interveiwed or given court dates during aboriginal ceremonies involving initiational ,birth,death,burials,mourning periods,womens meetings and culture ceremonies in general
baha'i suspects only after sunset in the fasting month
and are cautioned that when a sikh is reading the sikh holy script which takes 50 hours should nt be disturbed
there are many other ones as well like not taking aborignals photo as they could be used for sorcery or mischeif.
so does that mean that me being irish they should nt disturb me if im having a drinking binge and also i can swear as in northern ireland its the second language

What a day its getting closer to snow time here but today was 16 now if i was in australia and said it was 16 people would say yeah and is nt it cold but over here 16 seems like 23 in aus saoirse and i went over to the mall saw her mum in the disney store got some supplies and then went to her nans to pick up a form after a cuppa we went back same route flamigios then pet shop then london drugs saoirse gets upset there as she knows we are going home next about 2 mins out there door she was asleep i carried her in and she only slept for about 20 mins she seems to sleep less these days.We had a bit of lunch then went to the park might as well enjoy it as much as we can . after that we played outside till liam and taylor came home and i tried to bring saoirse in but she was nt having it so we stayed out for another 30 mins or so and you know what i loved every min of it

im listening to my favorite c.d it was given to me by one person who i trust with my life adam he and i had many drug sessions but he also had the ability to stop when he wanted .but the music is the best bob marly starts it off with redemition song then wake up and live . then there's cake 's the cup the there cover of i will survive you should listen to that if you have nt heard it.then eltons tiny dancer i used to listen to it as i looked at the pic's of my daughter when i was in australia the words fitted like now shes in me always with me tiny dancer in my hand. Like when i held her for first time .but how i feel so real lying here with no one here only you, and you cant hear me. like she was over seas.then there fionia apple my univerise wow shes a great singer i hear she's comming out with new album soon .the neil young's song going home the drum beat in that is awesome and the words so real they make me feel like im going home and where is my home that old adage is true for me where ever i lay my hat is home.then there's moochba i think thats it. it aint gonna hurt now if you open your eye's .stevie nicks and don henleys leather and lace. shakspheres sister stay just the voices in it make's me wonder why they never made more songs .and the words when your prides on the floor i'll make you beg for more.the klf anicent and the justified i once heard that they only made these songs to prove that it was simple to write pop hits then they went back to there real name the jams,piraniha's tom hark ask a chealsea fan about that one but its a great ditty. stiff little fingers running bear a great cover of a old jazz classic punk style if you get to listen to s.l.f you should,the jam going underground much better the when he went to style council why did he lol.mirror in the bathroom the specials memorys .you'll never walk alone what can i say goose bumps.pink floyds wish you were here well you know thats one of my all time favorite mind you i heard waters sing 'mother' from the wall with a africian americian woman it was awsome she sang mothers words im still looking for it. faith no more you want it all but you cant have it.bob dylans im leaving you its just dylan and it reminds me of just taking off

MY BRUSH WITH MICKY.
We lined up a friend of emma's let us in they had been there over a hour so we scored well .we waited about 20 mins and then it was our turn liam would nt get his pic taken and taylor was waiting for minnie as she had her's already from micky in euro disney boy he gets around alot micky was on other side at first but saoirse screamed blue murder so being the pro he walked around i suppose they are used to it they even had there own sericuity guard

IN GOD WE TRUST? PANDEMIC that is getting thrown around alot these days.An australian newspaper reports that the victiorian police and health officals have sweeping powers to confine people to there home's and fines up to $20'000 for breeching orders if it hits there .I had just watched a news program talking about tamaflu a drug that could help and saying that people were ordering it on line and hoarding it its expencive so the rich can get it and the poor have to wait. wow what a world we live in but having children im at a bind would like to put my faith in god and will do for myself but would my partner want to take the chance with our children and me for that as well its hard .they raised some good points like people who had it and were nt sick would they give it to a sick neighbour or would they take it in case trhe devoleped the flu .many things have happened over the last couple of years hurricanes tsuminis earthquakes is its gods way of punishing us or nature saying your killing the planet? and that old saying 'IN GOD WE TRUST' now do you. if you do would you be worried about anything thats going to happen as it is Gods will or is it in man you trust now thats a debate id love to see ive had blind faith as i call it i never knew i did but all my life i knew inside me there was hope and love and have surived knowing that i had hope for my future not that i'd be rich and famous but just happy somewhere out there id get it.Did nt rolling stones once say "you cant always get what you want but sometimes you get what you need " i belive that .

ALL BECAUSE HE WAS A PROTESTANT
things are bad when a taxi driver drops you off outside a chippy on the andersontown road and was attacked by a 30 strong crowd. The taxi driver had just dropped of two of his mates who were Catholics then asked him and another friend were he was from after they had told him he made excuses he had to see his brother then stopped the car got a baseball bat and said get of of the car you orange bastards he knew the crowd was waiting for them and they had no choice but to get out of the car, his friend managed to get away and only the efforts of two passerbys saved his life. They took him to the royal vic hospital where there are fears about permante damage to his eye. Earlier in the week there was reports about taxi drivers getting stoned everytime they went past the market areas the taxi drivers were from a east Belfast company and protestant . So is this the future for protestants as I said there is another blogger who says every British colonist shall be driven out maybe he is nt alone in his thinking I hope he is cause it would be a worrying thing .The people of northern Ireland catholic and protestant have endured enough these young people who did this have no reason they grew up in a different northern Ireland than many from my generation. Whats there reasoning is someone teaching them a ideology that is bitter cause there is no other reason even the men of violence know that there is no way forward with war but they will just make protestant people question whats in our future.

SCHOOL DAYS WHAT THERE WERE ANYWAY
i went to school sometime in 1st year i was there many times most of the year i think.i hold the record because i was caned everyday i went at least 6 everyday it was always different teachers sometimes a couple of teachers . in second form it was nt as bad my form master mr coulter was a hard teacher but fair well i thought so there was one teacher who hated me she was a sub and anytime we got her i knew . this one time after all the books were handed in there was one that was ripped and she blamed me i never did it and told her but she called me a liar and took me to see the form master and told him that i had ripped it i said to him i never and he belived me i would always admit to what i did i could nt lie stupid eh. so he took me back to the class and in front of everyone said "william has told me he did nt rip the book and i belive him" i felt so proud strange .he then asked the class who did it no one owned up so he took all us boys outside and caned everyone except me it was strange it was usually me who got it .there was another time i skipped school and was with a couple others drinking i had been drinking since i was 11 i went up the wood in the summer and actually meet one of my class mate s there we drank with the winos home brew and another favortite was cider with drawbridge wine mixed into it.any way we were behind the rent offices and someone must have seen us climb the wall i was going to the toilet when a cop came over the wall we had nowhere to go so in the cop car we went back to school they never saw the cider.as we were driving i was asked my name abnd if had any nicknames i did but at that point we were passing it written on the wall i was also a graffiter not a good one my biggest one was written on sullivan upper wall as i had done it i tossed the paint can over the wall then i turned the corner and two peelers were walking towards me i was lucky that day. so i said to the cops in the car no(i lied sometimes was nt a angel after all)they took us back to school i felt like a hero everyone watched as we were brought in by the cops funny what makes you feel good .there was another time at assembly that me and a friend were mucking around and were saying wanna fight and pushing well he said yeah and hit me i dropped to the ground but got back up and layed into him we were seperated after a while i was made to stand on the stage during assembly i was facing everyone and remember the first formers looking at me . we where made to run laps around the school to calm down after that we went to class and i got chucked out and caned no wonder my grammers bad .

THE GOOD THING ABOUT DEPRESSION
Well for me anyway is that i think back on all my memorys good and bad .One that i always enjoy and ill share is when i was a kid we used to live in abbey ring in whitecity(loughveiw estate) if you looked out our window on the right you'd see belfast lough and cave hills we used to see the oil tankers comming up the lough to get repaired they were massive .on the left we would look up at the woods i spent many years up them wood we would spend the whole day the was a mud hill that everyone used to slide down there was dunvilles a old estate that had been burned that many times the farmers fields at the top you had to run through them to get to the dump there were dirty mags and lots of things kids love,a lot of bomb damaged stuff went there.There was the redburn cemarty we would walk around that and just look at the graves i rem as i was older i would look at jimmy McCartneys he was tortured a few years earlier he was a catholic i can still rem thinking how it would have been for him he did nt have a mum or dad i think? he lived with a family called the rices im not sure of all the details being a kid you dont pay much attention.strange i felt sad for someone i never knew as he was older than me .the was the ravine where my cousin fell down and broke his leg when he was drunk the school playing fields . my old primary school , the golf course where the whole estate went when we got snow we used everything that slid car bonnets lino plastic bags i even saw someone in ski,s once must have been a rich person lol.But back to my origanil thought ali a friend and my self were sitting talking at the corner of eastlink across from the raineys house and there was dog shit there i think i was about 9 or 10 ,well wec were putting dandalion petals over it you know just doing it and we saw a boy comming who always bullied us he was a year older and a good fighter as he approched i cant rem who came up with the idea but we said to him do you like our pretty flower ,s he swiped it and got shit all over his hands by this time we were running towards alis house he lived next door to ali. as we got there trevor alis brother let ali in but locked me out (i was the kid mothers told you not to hang around with) any the bully chased me around there back i was still laughing i got out and ran towards beech end and thats where he got me he was beating the crap out of me but as usual i was fighting him back but this time it was hard as i was still laughing i remember one of my sisters came and was trying to get him off me .i had many fights with him as i refused to let him bully me never won but always had a go .that was the bad thing about having 4 sisters no one to get every one always said ill get my brother on to you but did nt sound the same when you say ill get my sister.

Fulham 2-0 Liverpool
Liverpool were without injured captain Steven Gerrard, while Peter Crouch was on the bench, leaving Jamie Carragher as the only English player on show for the watching Sven-Goran Eriksson.
well if my week was nt bad enough liverpool go and get beat when i was at my lowest and thought what is there liverpool won 5 trophys and it made me feel well there song says it all it also is from my favourite movie carousel rogers and hammerstein's "you'll never walk alone" but back then i never had my kids so these days im saddened by liverpool losing i still got taylor liam and saoirse

'Call it a day', loyalists urged

Loyalists are being urged to follow the IRA move on armsUlster Unionist leader Sir Reg Empey has told his party conference the IRA has been defeated and it is time for loyalists to put their arms beyond use.
In his first address to the conference as UUP leader Sir Reg said the IRA had been exhausted by years of failure in its bid to get unionists to bend.
He said it was now time for loyalist paramilitaries to "call it a day" and put weapons beyond use.
Sir Reg promised to help those who took that step.
so finally its starting to sink in that the loyalist parimiltary's have no reason for being anymore mind you his words are nt the best .the i.r.a gave up there armed struggle i belive because they knew that they would nt get any where with violence it was a brave move on there part whatever there reason

GOT RID OF THAT DAMM CLOUD THEN BOOM
I just received a email from my laywer in aus.i had asked how much it would cost for me to take the dr to civil court and her reply $2'500 to just get started and it would cost between $14,000and $17,000 to get it to the court stage there is no way i can afford that so i'll have to rely on the med board or the police and if that does nt work then thats it.How come that they keep telling me that i need prove what proof can i have no one was in the room otherwise i would nt get abused you know i thought that it had nt affected me but all the years of drink and drug abuse are a direct result of his actions god i wish i had known then that i was being abused i would have done something .But he first denied that i was a patient then said he could nt remember me yet my family where his patients for many years . I wonder was i the only one a conseller once said probably not but i dont know maybe i was the only one stupid enough to let him do what he did.i sometimes wish someone would come foward then again i hope that no one else had to endure the same as i did.is my life every going to be over this nighmare all i want to do is get justice i once talked on talkback radio to a man derren hinch and told him about what was going on i said that what is so different to what happened to me and what priests did in some case's with priest's it was one persons word yet im not even getting my chance to say that i was wrong did.i said it was bad as he was as dr supposedly doing his good thing that dr's do .its hard to stand there and let someone touch you but once they start you just kinda freeze and thats it your trapped till they finish then they think you enjoyed it and i know i never i always felt guilt and was asamed walking out of his surgery i was sure his receptionest knew she probably did nt but it was my guilt and why did i go back i had psorisis and had to go nearly every week he would nt even refer me to a dermtiolisgt (skin quack) so i had no choice i could nt say to mum so i went every week no wonder i travelled so much oh if only i knew things were different to what they were but ill get stronger for it just the clouds sometimes get so dark.

LIVERPOOL PLAY FULHAM
this week so lets hope its another win and cisse adds another goal or two .gerrard's back and so is kewall so should be a great game.GLENTORAN HAVE A CHANCE TO GO FUTHER IF THEY BEAT COLERINE THIS WEEKEND they have also agreed to sell the oval and are trying to buy shorts rec grounds i used to walk past them all the time it is on holywood road at least it's a bit closer to holywood .but many fans are nt happy but if it can be good for the club then i say go for it

Irish crushed by Aussies in Perth

Luke Hodge of Australia challenges Irish forward Benny CoulterAustralia romped to a record 100-64 win over Ireland in Friday's first International Rules Test in Perth.
good to see the aussie's win im a irishmam but i followed aussies rules longer than i watched galiec and love to see the aussies win in cricket rugby (except playing ireland) and this series soccer northern ireland is my national team

ANOTHER story from australia
a news man who was embedded with the americian army in afghanistan is reportly saying that two united soliders that are with the psychological unit set fire to 2 dead tailban men and announced over the loud speaker that they had dont it and the tailban were cowards for not comming out as the bobies were also facing west.When muslims die there head is supposed to face north and feet south and faced turned west towards mecca there body 'sare supposed to be bathed and buried within 24 hours if this is true these men need to be punished and not by the u.s army they should face the war crimes court in the hauge.

THE LOST SOUL
I'm in shock i remember hearing stories about new york in the 70's like people stepping over dead bodies i dont know if they were true or urban myths? But it seems melb has went one step futher. A mans body was found slumped at the wheel of his car and it had a parking ticket.apparently thousands have walked past it at thecroyden market shopping centre in croydon he was 71 years old and had been reported missing last wednesday by his carer and his number plate number and discription of his car was given to the police. the car had even be vandilised while he was in it what a city seems the same thing happened two years ago in toorak rd south yarra when robbie la rocca was given a 50 doller fine when the inspector could nt rouse him

thats all i need the cold came back i had one last week it only lasted one day but it returned today and i had promised the kids to go swimming .i took saoirse to get weighed she over 9 kgs wow that 100 less than me that a lot but she got many years to try and catch up only joking would nt look good on her as it does me im big boned ha ha .well we went swimming i was freezing and trying not to let my nose run in the water but we made it through came home and emma went out she's away to a concert jan arden never heard of her i told her about my concert experiances and she laughed i saw micheal jackson s bad tour my ex liked him what you do you go to please them. them i heard the kinks one time in perth i was outside as i was passing ands heard lola so i sat and enjoyed they went on hitching i saw a lot of music in melb they used to have a good live band scene untill the pokies arrived(one arm bandits,slot machines) i never gamble spent a lot of my child hood outside the bookies trying to get money of my da before he gambled it away or pissed it up a wall we used to see other kids doing the same there mums just like ours sent the kids i think it was supposed to shame them but it had no effect you'd ask someone to get your da and you'd still be sitting there 30 mins later then he comes out gives some money then you go home and hear the what the fuck is this then he d come home a couple hours later.i d never do that to my family maybe that s one reason i dont drink any more i ve never gambled i think its a stupid idea try and win if you have a win you try to get more fuck that spend what you get i say dont be suckered out of it . i used to hear stories in melb of people going stright to the casino then blowing there whole wages in a couple hours why would a sane person want to do that after busting your balls pardon the expression all week.

LOOKS LIKE JAWS COULD BE COMMING TO USLTER
some tuna has been spotted of the north west coast of donegal.It seems the waters getting warmer so some fear that sharks may soon follow ? who knows eh but the surfers better be on the look out as there shadow reminds great white sharks of seals and great whites love seals they usually take a bite of humand and apparently dont like the taste of us have you ever .now tiger sharks have no problems eating humans .

no wonder im having a hard time at least im not the only one
VICTIMS were being treated like second-class citizens by the police, frustrated detectives said yesterday.

the force spent more time and resources on gay liaison and police bands than looking after the needs of victims.
The attack on police priorities by experienced investigators was backed by victims' groups.
One senior detective described the treatment of victims as "an indictment on the force".
"We've got 12 gay and lesbian liaison officers but only one victim liaison officer," he said.
"We've got a brass band, a pipe band, a marching band and a dance band but the victims of crime hardly rate a mention.
"Looking after victims of offences like murder, serious sexual assault and culpable driving should be a core function.
"It's disgusting what's going on and it's all dollar-driven."
The force's victim liaison manager, Rob Read, deals with more than 600 cases a year.
Mr Read's role includes organising counselling for families and friends of victims, arranging the cleaning of crime scenes and obtaining emergency cash for funerals.
A second victim liaison officer who resigned three months ago has not been replaced; nor has a third, who is on maternity leave.
Victoria Police's victim liaison office was not staffed at all last week while the one remaining member was on leave.
Another investigator said Mr Read, who has been doing his job for 17 years, was now able to attend only the most serious cases.
Most calls to police for help were referred to the Government's Victims Support Agency.
"Last week force command paid for full-page ads and expensive television commercials full of feel-good facts and figures, and the force's great relationship with the community," the investigator said.
"But they won't pay to staff this vital area properly. It's absolutely criminal what's going on."
Victims Of Crime Awareness Week chairman Brian O'Donnell said victim services would be high on the agenda at a victims' conference in Melbourne on November 11 and 12.
"I'm disappointed with the attitude of police," Mr O'Donnell said.
"We've asked them to attend the VOCAW forum and listen to the needs of victims and haven't even had the courtesy of a reply.
"The liaison officer in our case (the murder of his stepdaughter, Nicole Patterson) was absolutely superb, but he's gone."
Crime Victims Support Association president Noel McNamara said the disparity in police numbers devoted to gay liaison and victim liaison was a disgrace.
Supt Kevin Casey, head of the police community and cultural division, said the force was developing a strategy designed to better meet victims' needs.
Crime victim Olive Gully, whose security guard husband Jason was shot dead at Keysborough last year, was angered by the prospect of any change.
"Rob Read has been my No. 1 right from the start," Mrs Gully said. "They understand these things. That's their job.
"I'm very unhappy. Are they looking at people like us, or the dollar?"
John Magill, whose daughter Jane Thurgood-Dove was murdered in front of her three sons at Niddrie in 1997, said such support was vital for his family.
"Rob Read and his team were a rock to lean on," Mr Magill said.

The UVF and the linked Red Hand Commando are also discussing the future of their organisations.
PUP leader David Ervine believes there could be a positive outcome.
"I predict that loyalist guns will go silent," Mr Ervine said.
could this be true if so northern ireland is moving towards a great future for all its people.
Gerry adams was also on the hussle saying that unionists would nt be discrimated or disadvantaged he is on tour in south africa where he is welcomed as the i.r.a supported the south africians against apartheid he witnessed a ceremony involving incence to commerate those who died in the struggle to get rid of apartheid its funny i read that loyalists were supportive of the south africian goverment dont know if its true i hope it was nt .

THE IMC HAS DELIVERED ITS REPORT

and they apperantly attacked one of there own members for links to a dissadent group which actually is a good thing in a weird way but they went about it wrong as it says we are still a force and a group.there has also been intimadition and extortion by indivival members and not sure if this occured after the month of july.it also says that the i.r.a has retained its intelligence unit and gathered information on drug dealers hope they handed that over to the police but it asks the question why they need that unit if there is no one to enforce the outcome they are still excilling people as well so hopefully the new report next year they are totally out of everything otherwise the july 28th statment meant nothing .I hope for northern ireland's sake they quit like they said and then the loyalists have no reason to excist except for drugs and if thats the case it shows they are for them selfs not the defenders they say they are ,

the cloud is still there and even though LIVERPOOL won it hardly lifted .
sometimes i wonder if ever will go.i was looking at my shoes today need new ones im the kinda person who just buys what i need but it got me thinking about being a kid.my favorite day was family allowance cause i knew that when i got home (most times) there would be a kit-kat a packet of crisps and i drink a healthy meal maybe not but it was something . you should have seen the times when we got home and there was no food that happened a lot its funny if my da or mum was nt working we would have got free tickets for meals david used to give me one once in a while i only ate chips(french fries) i think that had something to do with the hospital food of the 70's it was yuk with a capital Y and bacon so many times i missed out of food my own choice as i refused to eat the stew and that sort so stuff .So fried bread or bread and sugar yum and as for shoe's well many in northern ireland had the same thing we used to put plastic bags (also used for school bags which you could always lose) over our feet to stop the water comming in through the holes.it was worse in high school for lunch as it was futher to walk home to find out there was nothing to eat so water filled the hunger.but one thing i must say is that it was a happytime is nt all childhood you just get on with it unless someone saw you wearing a shirt that had been given to you and told everyone bloody hand me downs and not from my own family but i liked that shirt even though i never wore it again it was tiedye gotto love the 70's.

COME BACK UI
even though i fight with him because he's biased towards northern ireland football team and its fans he wont give them a fair go that should rile him up.he at lest did say when s/f and also any nationalist violence happened not like a new one who visited me unless its ui's alter ego.nah it could nt be as this one wants protestants out of ireland im sure ui not that way he just want s us to disband the orange order who do alot of charity work. but he is good for a argument and wont take that he's wrong and it goes around and around and he try's and mix'es up your words but it takes my mind of a lot of stuff and i hope he takes it in good humour as thats how its precented (except when im called a fucken idiot) but enjoy your hoilday ui .

CISSE again this time 20 mins well its getting better and his confidence will grow and more goals will flow its also good to see harry kewall back he might give a bit of spark still chelsea got 4 against betis so when we play them we need a good result to regain top spot in our group

the first part was mine he was responding to what i had said about protestants should start looking away from the union his responce was as you can see
Diarmid said...
its a pity that instead of embracing there irishness some in the protestant community hold on to a belive that the union is best yet the union does nt want themThe Protestants are British and have absolutely no right to live in Ireland. This is why I support the use of violence to remove this unwanted British presence from Irish soil.
10:32 AM

in the 70 s and 80 s many things changed in the nationalist community they get equal housing and education and so on .the only thing they did nt get was a united ireland so that was the only reason the bombed and killed the protestants and the catholics and even english children .so in all logic that was nt a reason to kill it was a excuse and after 9/11 they knew that they could not go on as the world would be against them.so they did the right thing .I know they had had a ceasefire since 94 but they were taking time with decommissing and 9/11 showed them they could nt expect support from there americian friend .they have everything they want except a united ireland and that will come. There is no reason for bitterness like that displayed by diarmid and thankfully he is a minority these days

Its amazing when the dark cloud decends
depressed again this fucking case is getting to me 7 months since i went before the medical board and a month since the sergent said he had made his decision .the police one is annoying because he has come to his concuision and it has to be passed of to whoever before i get it.But the medical board i was told a couple months and now its comming up to 7 i wonder are they taking there time because im not in the country or are they hoping that ill give up sometimes i do but then i just cant its so hard im happy most times ive got a family and everything i ve ever wanted .except peace of mind and the longer they take the worse i feel.how hard can it be if i win the decision with the medical board the dr will take it to the supreme court . but if he wins the lawyer acting for me on behalf of the medical board says that s it .i wonder how is that justice when he can go on but i cant . you know sometimes i wish i had nt relised i was abused and just still thought i was bi when i was a kid then at least id just self destruct with out knowing why .but to know and not self destruct now thats hard and gets harder if it was nt for emma and the kids id be a full on junkie at least i was numb when i used drugs but this way fuck the mind just goes over and over i ve been thinking about my trip to peterhead awhile ago to see my sister i hitched from london and as i was walking through aberdeen a cop car pulled me over and said that i fitted the description of someone who assulted someone in a pubfight i told them i had just arrived from australia i had a bit of a attitude but who would nt the description was a irishman with short hair and i was walking towards the pub where the fight was no away anyway they hancuffed me and took me to the cop shop and on the way the pig in the back kept starring at me and i said whats your problem he replied just making sure your ok so in the cop shop i have to empty my bag and i show my passport and still i have to go to the cells awaiting futher enquries so as we walk the cop who was staring said we are nt aussie cops here and i said i know at least they give you a kicking and off you go he knew i was inviting him but i guess he was a gutless wonder wish i remembered his name. in the cell i lost it had nt had sleep for a long time with the flight and all so i put my belt around my neck and started to hang myself but again the thought that god would kill me if he wanted me dead so i stopped i still have a sore throuth i dont know if i damaged it ive only told emma about this and now who ever reads so shhh. i got released after 4 hours and was totally lost the cops kept driving by every time they did(the same two) i would put my finger out to hitch but it was the birdy im spewing that he never stopped i had a lot of frustration and he would have been my punching bag. Bbut then again i d be in jail again and that would nt have acheived anything but i can still know i probably pissed him off that night .it made me laugh as i was hitching .

the last aussie digger has died
william evan allen from victoria has died at the age of 104 he was 14 when he signed up and served in the 2 world wars he was a able seaman and served in the navy for 34 years retiring in 1947 with the rank of liutenant men like him are from a bygone era.R.I.P

who would have thought id listen to a popes advice well it was nt his its the christian thing. I posted what was said after the pope said that we should forgive the ones who attacked the world trade centre and he got stick for it. but the sentiments behind it forgive your ememies well i should have used that against the good fr who called me and all unionists protestants but i did nt and it really upset me. But what the hey i was wrong to say things on another bloggers site and i said sorry for it.And i meant it so i will try that attitude as much as possible its all new to me so i keep making mistakes and sometime's i get angry not as much as i used to im starting to relise that anger is another form of being a victim and if you think about it that makes sence as once you ve cooled down how do you feel i always feel like shit so im trying not to get angry so everyday i learn something new and to me its not a wasted day .Well how can it be today Saoirse and i went over to the mall again and she had fun in the ball park. We said hello to her mum and then as we walked out of the mall we went in to the the pet shop and as we were coming out i whistled at a parrot and he came up to me there was a woman with her child and she said thats good that you can do that i was blowing his head i dont know if they actually like that but they seem to come for it he was whistling back at me to and its the second time that a parrot has made me feel good i wonder if thats weird but things like that actually make me feel a bit special not as special as the kids do but its a great thing as people always say aminals can sence good so maybe im not so bad after all

seems southern alberta have gone into a time loop a meat packing company and some of its officals are up to no good according to unions. police charged a couple of employees after a union offical was chased around the back roads and forced of the road he is sligthly injured there are also reports of signs siying that the restrooms dunnys or bathrooms are for whites only and only whites got the keys. the company is owned by an americian company and brought its workers from overseas 600 from ghania and now they are demanding rights they should have got in first place i actually rem when they were bringing workers in and i tried but was told that they only do it in bulk to save money so any other irish that want to move to canada there meatpacking jobs only kidding it show that you cant always get away with treating people like crap after a year they are relising and the companys responce is that there are still a 1000 that want to work but thats always the way some people are to scared in case they get thrown out of the country.

well the super series mave have died in australia after the were bowled out for 144 today at least this time they got to 50 overs it appears that there will be a recomadion that the no 2 side in the world will play the num 1 side in the next super series in 4 years time some reports from the coach say that the team lacked spiret and passion pity it could have been a good concept ah well back to the drawing board

heres another pinkfloyd song these men knew words
Remember when you were young, You shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond. Now there's a look in your eyes, Like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond. You were caught on the crossfire Of childhood and stardom, Blown on the steel breeze. Come on you target for faraway laughter, Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine! You reached for the secret too soon, You cried for the moon. Shine on you crazy diamond. Threatened by shadows at night, And exposed in the light. Shine on you crazy diamond. Well you wore out your welcome With random percision, Rode on the steel breeze. Come on you raver, you seer of visions, Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

heres a song one of my favorites and the word 's by waters and gilmore like did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage how many of us do that we are caged,then running over the same old ground what have we found the same old fears now to me its so true i ve gone over my abuse every year for three years now and am at same point i need to forgive but i cant do that till the abuser admits his guilt is that stupid


So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skys from pain. Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.

the priest comments this week got me thinking about religion its hits and miss's you see i was a atheist most of my life and before that i used to say things like if there's a god fuck and that kinda stuff.it was nt untill i relised that i was abused and was going through it alone that i relised that i was nt alone and never was i know that may sound crazy but i belive that someone was watching me guiding me cause when i thought back through my life i relised that one thing had kept me going faith.faith that ill get what i needed faith that id get love .and i got what i needed all my life i was given a lot to handle being left by my parents when i was 13.and when i was younger i used to be in hospital a lot and i spent it alone but i remember watching the rabbits and that gave me comfort.i was abused first when i was 8 it lasted to i was 12 .not your typical abuse it was kids a few years older but they took my innocence and i longed for that even today id loved to felt a first kiss without having to worry should i touch this girl i never did as i thought it was wrong but was it i was 13 going on 14 so are nt you supposed to thats what i did nt know,then i saw an attempted suicide at 13or 14 not to sure of the date. i went to england to be with my father and after 2 weeks he said that his new wife could nt handle me or my sister,so back to northern ireland and boy i went wild.next i went to australia and got abused by my first adult i was 15 that went on till i was 17 or 18 i know most people think how was it abuse at 15 your a adult but he was in a postion of authority then it was a girlfriend that attempted sucide on a regular basis when i wanted to leave her that lasted six months of me feeling like well its a hard thing to decribe its like your inside are turned inside out and its all your fault. next i went with a aborignal girl and experianced racism.mind you being irish you get to experiance that especially some english they dont care if your a protestant or a catholic your a mick.after that there where 7 years of drug abuse only pot and speed i never stole to get my drugs i always worked so did my girlfriend in that trime we had 3 miscarriges and the 3rd time she never got a dnc and her tubes got infected and she could nt have children,once i broke up with her for different reasons she wanted to keep on the drugs and i had enough. i went back home to find myself i found some parts but lost others i got into another relationship and that ended with my partner sliceing her arm with my razor as i sat there i watched her kids faces and that look was etched in my brain it also gave me a flashback and could see myself in same postion.after that i started on drugs again speed and pot i went out with a woman who gave me drugs then wanted to sleep with me i did but next day i told her i never wanted to see her she asked why i told her and she said it sounds like you were abused by the dr and that was it next couple months i went through my personal hell i could nt kill myself as i thought i did nt want anyone to blame themselfs for my death and thats what happens with suicide others are left wondering what they had to do with your death especcialy loved ones i lied under the gas heater and thought if god wants me dead he will blow the light out and ill die it never happened then i thought that my angel was there its hard to say but i just felt good even though i felt bad. one day i was outside and the sky was dark with rain clouds except a patch of blue above me it made me feel that god was wathing me i know that may sound crazy there was another thing i had been given a bird it was called physo it was a parrot and it did nt let anytouch it one day i was outside and it came over to the side of the cage i was standing near and then went to the bottom of the cage and got a feather and came back up and gave it to me i put my hand to the side of the cage and it dropped it in. there were other things and they just made me feel special i like to think the angel watching over me was my cousin who was killed when she was 6 by a car . so am i crazy i dont think so and it make s me feel good that god watchs me. and i know he watchs others we are given what we are able to cope with. so i think i can cope with a lot and music got me through it to the right songs at the right time im sure you have felt down and the right song comes along and you feel that bit better well ive had that all my life ill write songs that helped me throuh my life in up coming posts.

A year after the September 11, 2001, attacks on New York, Pope John Paul II was criticised for asking God to "show mercy and forgiveness for the authors of this horrible terror attack".
He was demonstrating the spiritual attitude that Christians must have towards others. Christians are commanded to "love our enemies" and "pray for those who persecute us".
now does that sound likegood advice why did nt the good father follow his boss's advice

well the crickets been going on for in sydney a test and the rest of the world needs 320 more runs for victory they bowled australia out cheaply for 199 in there second innnings so the rest of the world needed 350 runs to win they were 2 for 25 after play was stopped because of bad light

the priest seems to have caused a storm and as i said that what i experianced and i thought that it was different in other parts of northern ireland and i was wrong here are a couple items from the belfast telegraph you can come to your own concullisions
Given that the Nuremburg Laws in 1936 prohibited Jews from working in their professions as doctors, as lawyers and as teachers, and from owning certain property, his comments again don't appear to reflect or mirror any discriminations experienced in Northern Ireland," she said
Just how can this be compared to Ulster?
TO wildly paraphrase Oscar Wilde, for one spokesperson of nationalism to lose the plot and call unionists Nazis may be regarded as a misfortune; for two spokespersons of nationalism to lose it and call unionists Nazis looks like a bit of a pattern emerging . . .
What the hell is going on in people's minds when they say these things?
Never mind what it tells us about what they think of their unionist neighbours, comments like those of Fr Alec Reid this week and Irish President Mary McAleese last January are a truly shocking insight into where they rate the crimes of the Nazis. And a truly disturbing reflection of the contempt they apparently feel for the suffering of Nazi victims.
Six million men, women and children coldly, systematically butchered in the most horrific act of genocide in the history of mankind. . . .
And that's regarded as being on a par with gerrymandering in Londonderry?
It's not primarily Protestants that Fr Reid needs to be apologising to for his crass remarks. It's Jews. And if he needs any reminder why, he should read the powerful words of Alex Benjamin on pages 24 and 25 in this paper today.
In his article Alex, who comes from a Jewish background, reveals that it's estimated that world-wide the number of people who bore the Benjamin name was decimated by almost half during the savage, bloody years of Nazi power.
It sort of puts a housing dispute in Strabane into perspective.
One of the arguments used in defence of Fr Reid this week was the line about how he had been provoked and that he came out with the Nazi jibe as a sort of unthinking knee-jerk.
This is fair enough up to a point - the point is, though, that when most of us knee-jerk in an unthinking sort of way, what we come out with tends to be what we really think.
And what has shocked so very many unionist people this week is not just the realisation that this is how Fr Reid thinks - but the suspicion that this might be how a much wider number of nationalists also think.
Fr Alec's strange follow-up comments when he said that he was sorry and that he believed unionists acted the way they did because of Partition, only compounds this belief.
His initial accusation was: "The reality is that the nationalist community in Northern Ireland were treated almost like animals by the unionist community. They were not treated like human beings. They were treated like the Nazis treated the Jews."
The reality is that the "unionist community" (I assume he means people like me) did nothing of the sort.
The Sinn Fein spin on history seeks to align the experience of nationalists in Northern Ireland with just about every grievance, oppression, pogrom or, in the case of the Jews, wholesale genocide in history.
The fact is that, not only was the experience of nationalists in Northern Ireland light years away from the horror inflicted on the victims of the Nazis, it was also light years away from the terrible injustice of the Apartheid system in South Africa and even (it might interest a few American readers to note) light years away from the blatant discrimination practised against African Americans by the American government in the 1960s.
Yet all of these instances are routinely evoked by Sinn Fein as comparable. Sectarian discrimination did exist in Northern Ireland, but contrary to accepted wisdom it was not exclusively confined to one side. Or indeed to one side of the border. There were inequalities. But as I've pointed out in this column many, many times in the past, if a more accurate comparison with the experience of the nationalist working class in Northern Ireland is to be made, it's with the experience of the unionist working class.
Hundreds of thousands of us grew up in similar circumstances.
Nobody ever came to my father's council house door to assure him there was a job for him anytime just because he was Protestant. Nobody ever told my mother not to worry about her children's education because there would automatically be jobs for us all once we finished school. At no time was my family ever aware of any special privileges, advantages or state largesse that might come our way simply because we were Protestant.
We did not treat anyone "almost like animals", Fr Reid. Like our neighbours, both Catholic and Protestant, we got on with our own lives.
PERHAPS Fr Reid can explain this simple point. How is it that if the "unionist community" were treating their nationalist neighbours "almost like animals", we were all living in the same conditions? Surely if one section of the community had its jackboot on the throat of the other there would be what Tony might call "transparent and verifiable" evidence of advantage.
In Northern Ireland the great swathes of the Protestant working class are proof that somewhere along the line that spin about the unionist community being privileged oppressors doesn't really wash.
Along with hundreds of thousands in that community I was stunned and hurt by what Fr Reid, a man who has been built up as a paragon of peace, has had to say about us this week.
I accept, though, that this does not necessarily make him a bad person. I even feel a bit sorry for him.
His comments about unionists being like Nazis and about IRA bank raiders being "whiter than white" are verging on that pecularily local syndrome - Troubles Tourette's. In fact he's put his foot in his mouth so much this week, he could even be in the running as a new Orange Order spokesman.
And there may be a positive aspect to the row about his remarks.
We have in Northern Ireland two sides of a working class community which have been often cynically manipulated and set at each other's throat.
One side thinks they were badly kept down. The other side thinks they were equally kept down - and then demonised as the first side's oppressors.
Isn't it time we opened a debate about this so that the reality of both sides' experience could be expressed?
Wouldn't it be possible to do this in a way that involves plain speaking but avoids hyperbole, name calling and the trivialising of genocide?
Above all, one that avoids demonising an entire side of the community?
For where's the equality Fr Alec, when, to wildly misquote old Oscar again, all of us have been in the gutters - but only some are allowed to show the scars?

Well today was fall cleanup day autumn to the rest of us out of 30 plus houses only 17 households came out to help must have been to busy but what is a co op for then saoirse and i were out taylor was over making chocolate and liam went to see the edmonton eskimos play and they won beat the sask roughriders. we were out for about 2 hours then picked taylor up the girl i was helping invited us to dinner and to watch the hockey oilers and flames. steak and spuds got the spuds but stake was over done taylor still ate hers but i did nt mind i still got a feed and i did nt have to cook it.we came home and saoirse went stright to bed emma should be home in about 20 mins she will be tired working till 7 this morning then from 2 till ten ill be glad when i can work over here mind you looking after kids is nt easy either but emma will get her break when i can work.

well here are some more murals the one with the gunmen will soon be a thing of the past

THE GLENS MARCH ON
Glentoran 2-0 Armagh City
now there is a two point differance after linfeild was held to a draw with cliftonville and portadown also drew so thing are at least looking up on this front maybe liverpool should borrow there coach .

CISSE CELEBRATES HIS GOAL
and was nt it worthwhile and a ripper and it was good to see that he played the whole game and he even went and shook benitez 's hand dso now we need to keep a stable team some players came back sissoko and morientes who replaced crouch who is good with cisse and if they play enough together will start to read each other better this year should be about building a first team and if a players down on form stick with him and show faith as these days every one is nervous as they get dropped to quickly show faith in the players and they shall return it .I watched cisse after his goal and he showed the fans how much it meant to him he even urged them on to cheer now thats the passion liverpool want and need .

seems the police in my old place melbourne have trouble watching there own cars its the second time this week that police cars have been attacked and these one s were in the police yard.in werribee were i live when im in aus there is a petrol station that gets robbed once in a while nothing strange about that you say the police station is directly across the road not even a hundred metres.

well it seems like a long time ago but we are playing tomorrow
Liverpool striker Fernando Morientes is in the squad after missing the last six games with a hamstring problem.
Skipper Steven Gerrard is out following the shin muscle injury he picked up on international duty with England. so lets hope cisse gets 90 mins this week and shows what i belive most liverpool fans think that he wants to play for the club

justice northern ireland style
A man involved in the greysteel massacre in the rising son bar in co londonderry.who had recived 8 life sentaces in 1995 and was released under the good friday agreement. was in court yesterday starting a new trial over a incident at the irish cup final. a man had his leg slashed and required 180 stitches.there was a picture taken of him allegedly holding a stanly knife. the man he sliced was also a glentoran fan.if this man is found guilty he should be kept in prison and serve all his sentances . serving less than ten years for killing 8 men hardly seems like justice to me.

do babies have nightmares ?
saoirse screamed as i ve never heard her before at 4 this morning .i gave her a hug as did her mum and she stayed asleep but she backed into me so she knew she was being held.I know should have her in with us makes it harder to go to sleep well thats always been the case i missed a few months and i take her to bed every night at 8 i lie with her till she falls asleep and i dont mind in the least its one of the best things in the world watching your baby go to sleep.And it does nt last forever so im making the most of the time i can ,i wonder do babies dream as well and what do they dream of or have nightmares about is it seasme street that big bird looks like a tough ombre he might eat babies or is it the pet shop i take her to see cause we see things in our daily life and dream about them so why not babies shes up stairs sleeping with her mum at the moment last night she fell asleep at seven was awake at 8 and did nt go back to bed till 11 with me and was awake at 7.30 this morning not enough sleep but try telling her that she a stubborn one but i did warn emma that my family gene did produce naughty kids look at me and you should see my neices they are like i was as a kid and my eldest neice vicki well she the worse but in a good way .i think emma's starting to belive me you should see saoirse's temper but then again you should see taylor's especially at breakfast time she just does nt want to eat first eating made her dizzy now its a sore throat ive said ill make her anything but you know kids especially at that age comming into teenage years god help us lol.

THIS MAN CLEARLY NEEDS TO TAKE HIS ROSE TAINTED GLASS'S OFF
here is his latest offerings

Priest believes IRA on bank raid

Fr Alec Reid said he believes IRA denials over bank raidThe priest who compared unionists to Nazis in their treatment of Catholics has said he believes IRA denials it carried out the Northern Bank robbery.
Fr Alec Reid was speaking about the £26m raid during a BBC NI Hearts and Minds interview, which was recorded earlier this week.
"On that issue their leadership has denied it. I believe absolutely they had no truck to do with it," he said.
Fr Reid, who witnessed IRA disarmament, apologised for his Nazi comments.
Fr Reid conceded that it was possible IRA members out to feather their own nests could be involved in criminality because every organisation could have individuals prepared to go to such lengths.
However, in the programme broadcast on Thursday night, he said he did not accept the IRA was a criminal organisation.
'War'
"The whole spirit of that would be a betrayal of the whole meaning of the republican movement," he said.
"In their own minds they are fighting a war."
The decommissioning witness said he was also opposed to the paramilitary style attacks carried out in nationalist neighbourhoods and he knew republicans who wanted an alternative.
However, he said the attacks occurred in the context of there being no police service in nationalist areas.
"There is an absence of a police force that has functionality in nationalist districts and people are going around who are raping, who are breaking into houses, who are joy-riding and knocking people down, who are terrorising the elderly people," he said.
"There are drugs of course... those people, whoever they are, they will do something about it themselves."
Fr Reid was criticised by DUP assembly member, Ian Paisley junior.
Mr Paisley said Fr Reid "appears to have totally, utterly lost it".
"He is in denial about criminality and if he is in that sort of denial there can be little credibility in what he says or what he claims to have seen," he said.
"If he had not made the Nazi comment last night, these comments alone would have struck at his credibility."
The Ulster Unionist Party's Fred Cobain said no-one has the right to carry out paramilitary style attacks.
"There is no justification for this type of action and people should not be trying to even explain it. It is wrong and Fr Reid should know that. He is a priest," the North Belfast assembly member said.
"The danger of comments like these is that they are used to legitimise this type of activity."
Fr Reid's comments on the treatment of Catholics at Wednesday night's public meeting involving his fellow decommissioning witness, the Rev Harold Good, were also criticised by Northern Ireland Secretary Peter Hain.
are thes the words of a man of god this man has been a friend of gerry adams and confidant so what is he putting his two pence in for.is it only a couple of ira men well the ones who killed the gardi officer in a bungled robbery was that a act of war? and the drugs that they supplied was that a act of war? the innocent civillans they targeted was that a act of war? many say that civillians get killed in war but this was nt a war it was terrorists who bombed and killed and torturted there own kind so to try and justify it shows this mans contempt.

Assets frozen after city searches
Assets worth almost £1m belonging to two people have been frozen following searches in the Gobnascale area of Londonderry, police have said.
It follows an operation intoorganizedd crime in Northern Ireland's north-west.
These include 12 houses, a taxi firm, a mobile shop, three bank accounts, £17,000 in cash and two vehicles.
A PSNI spokesperson said the joint police and Customs operation was aimed at preventing people from "benefiting from crime". There were no arrests.
Detectives served a restraining order on two people in Derry freezing assets totalling £950,000.
About 80,000 contraband and counterfeit cigarettes were also recovered in the searches.
Now its hard to say if these men were ira men they could be loyalist? but no matter what the money needs to go back in to the communities drug programs,victims paramilitaryy's, and all who have endured the violence every penny that these men made and have turned into legbusinessess should be taken off them they should not be able to life the good life of the misery they have inflicted over the last 30 plus years

well things getting better in northern ireland by the way thats sarcasim
There was anger last night after plans for a Love Ulster campaign rally in a Belfast park were blocked by a city council committee.
Organisers expressed consternation at the move by Sinn Fein and the SDLP to stop the Protestant parade finishing in Woodvale Park.
Love Ulster spokesman Brian Kingston of the Shankill Mirror Group said: "We decided not to march to Belfast City Hall and rally there because we were concerned there could be confrontation with elements opposed to or attacking the parade.
"There were also issues of disruption in the city centre on a Saturday, a loss of trade, and there is an important retail conference in City Hall that day. We changed the venue in the interests of the greater good of all the community. "We then followed the letter of the law and applied to the council to use the park. We have said we will march on the Shankill Road to Woodvale Park. A Protestant rally through a Protestant community to a park in an entirely Protestant area.
"In a blatantly sectarian manner, Sinn Fein and the SDLP have ganged up to stop it. It is sickening and totally indicative of the reasons for the parade in the first place - to protest at the unjust treatment of Protestants in Northern Ireland.
I understand that republicans, for example using Dunville Park off the Falls Road, never apply to use it. They just use it.
"Can you imagine the outcry if unionists said you cannot use the park in a republican area for a republican rally?"
"thee News Letter understands the application to use the park came before the council's parks and cemetery services sub-committee.
Five SDLP and Sinn Fein members were present and four unionists: chairman Jim Rodgers (UUP) and councillors Nelson McCausland, William Humphrey and Jim Kirkpatrick (all DUP).
One SDLP councillor allegedly claimed that one organiser, William Frazer of victims' group FAIR, had said paramilitaries were welcome at the parade and he therefore opposed it.
But Mr Frazer said last night: "I am on record as opposing all paramilitaries of any type. I am a victim of paramilitaries. I have lost many members of my family to terrorism and campaigned in different parts of the world against it. "I am deeply angry about these words being being put into my mouth."
The nationalist grouping said the park could not be used unless organisers could meet the 26 criteria laid down by council for availing of such a facility, including insurance cover and health and safety regulations.
so what do you have to do in northern ireland these days to get treated fairly.first unionists are called nazi's by the president of ireland then a priest says the same thing so is it true ?
does nt matter the words cant be retracted they say sorry but are they sorry for saying it or sorry for the uproar why did nt the priest say this many years ago.not now when people are trying to heal cant heal when people keep opening wounds that should have healed.