well closer to the deadline or d day as i call it .
my mind is working over time and i have got a memory back i knew about it sort of but had blanked most of it out and said nothing happened but today it came flooding back fuck i hate that its the worse thing sometimes i wish i never relised anything.
But i have and every memory i recall is kinda of good because it cant hold me back this one is one that i had hidden far away i have even told emma about it yet as today was the first time i recalled it.
and i woint say what it is because i am ashames i feel like i must have been so stupid when i was a kid to let this person do the things he did and then to go to australia and have it happen again now i think did i ask for it i know in truth i never but its hard to think that way when its was a repeating occerance or was i just in the wrong places.
I heard god only gives us what he thinks we can handle well i ve handled alot as i said before if i used drugs it would be so easy as id be numb and would nt have to recall anything live in a fantasy world where nothing gets in and can hurt but i ve got love to help me get over it and in time it will get me through it what does nt destroy us only makes us stronger.